GUIDE TO LIFE ARCHIVE GUIDE TO LIFE ⇒

GENIUS:

(Unsuccessful) artists are isolated and for some the idea of “genius” may be psychologically necessary for self-esteem or survival as an artist. It becomes a justification of an apparently inescapable situation.

BURNOUT:

Journal entry 20/8/92:

My long term aims for my life as an artist are:
- to be able to keep a regular journal;
- to be able to switch off from what I’m doing and go onto something else;
- to feel that what I do has value because I do it not because I get external support.

My aims used to be around being able to stay in a state of total obsession without burnout. Now I don’t want that or believe it’s possible. I want a balanced life with more than one thing in it and I want to be self-reliant, not dependant on my work going well to feel OK.

IMPLICATIONS OF A NON-DESIRE FOR FAME:

I will make work purely driven from my own needs without worrying about exhibiting, producing finished work etc.

If I decide to finish or exhibit work it will be solely because doing so is necessary to my process of art-making.

I won’t look for outside validation.

Everything will become a question of the collection of good experiences. It will become vital to have fun and satisfaction at every point because suffering for a possible future gain will have no meaning.

A hierarchy of quality will become meaningless.

I will no longer feel competitive towards other artists.

I will no longer feel jealous of other people’s success because they won’t have anything that I want.

There will be no survival after death.

FUTILITY:

Journal entry c. 6/93:

Futility. False solutions. A futile, obsessive quest to achieve ultimate knowledge of an unknowable subject.

Instead of getting stressed about my feeling of futility, I need to deal with it and other issues around my work in my work itself. I really like the contradiction of dealing with the essential pointlessness of making art through making art about it.

IGNORANCE:

No change is ever achieved from a state of ignorance.

IMPLICATIONS OF THE NON-EXISTENCE OF GOD:

1. There is no life after death – life after death without a conception of some kind of God or transcendent realm just isn’t possible, except in the sense of survival of atoms but since our atoms don’t belong to us then their survival isn’t our survival.

2. There is no transcendent realm outside matter – transcendence and immateriality is just God in another name.

SELF-BELIEF:

Is belief in myself denied to me because the work that I do is bad or because I am emotionally and psychologically prevented, for whatever reason, from believing in myself?
The answer to this question is certainly not as clear as it may appear.

SELF-OBSESSION:

I always think that I need to move beyond what I see as boring self-obsession in my work, but isn’t being an artist deciding that myself and my process is a valid thing to be interested in and passionate about?
Why I make art is to try and understand the world and I’m just a microcosm of the larger system.

FANTASY LIVES:

The incredible, unequalled thrill of a well-tuned brain producing truly creative thought.
The steady companionship of a kindred soul working by me at night in peaceful intimacy.
Thrilling to passionate conversation and intelligent debate.