FEAR OF INTIMACY:
A Test for Self-Diagnosis
- Have you ever had the feeling that other people are a source of potential danger?
- When attempting to reveal something personal about yourself have the words ever become stuck in your throat, unable to get any further?
- Have you ever had the suspicion that other people could be just exhausting and more trouble than they are worth?
- Have you ever found yourself fantasising a scenario of betrayal?
- Have you ever felt a secret sense of vindication when someone has disappointed you?
- Have you ever secretly rejoiced when you have seen that a once happy relationship is starting to falter?
- Have you ever found it strangely gratifying comforting someone whose relationship has come to an end?
- Have you ever had fantasies of conversations which you know would never take place in reality?
- Have you ever found yourself making a mental balance sheet of someone’s good and bad qualities?
- Have you ever had the feeling that interactions with others are distracting you from more important life tasks?
- Have you ever experienced a sense of unreality in the presence of others, like your lips are moving and your ears are hearing but that you are somewhere else entirely?
- Have you ever caught yourself judging those who are socially engaged as stupid and/or shallow and/or gullible?
- Have you ever felt secretly vindicated by the fact that we are born and die alone?
- Have you ever avoided asking for help from others in the fear that they could have some claim on you afterwards?
- Do you see relationships with others as essentially business transactions involving a contract of give-and-take?
- Have you ever experienced any of the following symptoms in the presence of others: clammy hands, breathlessness, ringing in the ears, nausea, uncontrollable desire to go to the toilet?
- No matter how much you talk does your head still feel ready to burst with the weight of things left unsaid?
- Do you sometimes feel plagued by a constant feeling that you are missing out?
- Do you see feelings of lust as trivial, fleeting and something to be resisted?
- Do you sometimes find your thoughts drifting onto other things in the middle of having sex?
- Do you sometimes make a joke out of things which are personally very important to you?
- Do you sometimes have the feeling that the more you get to know someone the more stupid, boring and transparent they begin to appear?
- Do you fear being in a position of absolute dependence or vulnerability like serious illness, madness or paralysis?
- Do you sometimes get the feeling that everyone is laughing at you?
- Do you sometimes find yourself secretly laughing at everyone?
- Do you sometimes feel misunderstood by the world?
- Do you sometimes find yourself making lists of your friends as proof that you are connected with the world?
- Do you dread birthdays not because it means you are getting older but because of having to have a birthday party?
- Have you ever received an invitation to a social occasion and secretly wished that you hadn’t?
- Do you sometimes find yourself lying in bed at night, reliving the conversations of the day and berating yourself for every word that you spoke?
(one or more affirmative answers can point to a problem)